Wednesday, August 06, 2008

U-NO this is gross, right?

How fitting that last night I happened to catch a Friends re-run of the "mockolate" episode since I just had a mockolate experience of my very own. Usually I am not a chocolate snob. I don't know what the substance is inside of a Sixlet, nor do I know the chemical compound of the brown coating covering a Charleston Chew, but they taste good to me so I don't really care. My feelings changed once I encountered the U-NO candy bar.

U-NO candy bars have been a predominately West Coast treat since the 1920's. In 1970, the Annabelle Candy Company, which also manufactures the awesome Abba-Zaba, acquired the rights to the U-NO and has been producing them ever since. At first glance, the U-NO looks intriguing with it's shiny silver wrapper and bold font claiming, "Rich Creamy Chocolate". I knew going in that this bar was just going to be a big bite of all chocolate, but I thought I could handle it. Unwrapped, U-NO is a long brown rectangle, maybe a little bigger than a Giant Kit Kat, with slight ripples of "chocolate" along it's surface. The description on the Annabelle Candy Company website describes it as "smooth, rich milk chocolate truffle-like center, covered in milk chocolate and ground almonds". Ground almonds? Well, if they're in there they must be pulverized into dust, because I sure couldn't see them (or taste them for that matter).

The best way I can think of how to describe the experience of eating a U-NO bar is this: imagine eating a spoonful of Crisco shortening mixed with not-completely-dissolved powdered Nesquik drink mix. That's it in a nutshell. Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised if that is the actual recipe. There was an unexplainable greasiness to the bar that left a film on the back of my teeth and roof of my mouth. It didn't melt in my mouth like normal chocolate, rather it kind of vaporized. And there was a bit of saltiness to it too. Overall, this substance called the U-NO bar is a mystery to me. A mystery I don't want to solve. Dare I say, it even gives mockolate a bad name.

Annabelle Candy Company Inc.

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